


Overcomplicate the Simple

by the_one_that_fell



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 13:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12060309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_one_that_fell/pseuds/the_one_that_fell
Summary: Alicia Zimmermann visits Samwell and makes someassumptions,leaving Jack and Bitty in a peculiar situation.





	Overcomplicate the Simple

**Author's Note:**

> CW: coming out (more or less voluntary), pining, meddling friends, nosy mothers

Jack rushed into the kitchen with wild eyes and uncombed hair. It was Saturday, which Bitty knew was the only day of the week he allowed himself to sleep in. Jack hadn’t even changed out of his pajamas, and he was adorably rumpled as he slammed his palms down on the counter and stared at Bitty.

“My mother is coming into town next week,” he hissed, glaring like Bitty himself were responsible.

“Okay?” Bitty turned the heat off of the stove where he’d been cooking up a mountain of eggs. It was absurd how many eggs a handful of college athletes could eat in one setting. “Your mama seems like a lovely lady. Do we need to clean the Haus? Put Shitty in suspenders so he won’t magically lose his pants while she’s here?”

With a heavy sigh, Jack slumped into a chair at the kitchen table. “My mom is…nosy. I don’t want her poking around here, asking invasive questions, making  _assumptions_.” Bitty raised an eyebrow at that; what assumptions could she possibly make about her son? He was straightlaced and serious to the point of being boring to the outside observer. Only people like Bitty and their close circle of friends got to see the Jack who was fun, who was a huge nerd and had an incredibly dry and dorky sense of humor.

“Well, none of us is gonna say anything bad about you,” Bitty told Jack, scooping some eggs onto a plate and grabbing a piece of multigrain bread to shove in the toaster. “If anything, Shitty’ll tell her nothing but the best things about being your friend. You know how he gets.”

“It’s not that,” Jack said, pouting in a way that should  _not_  have been endearing on a man of his age and size. “She just…tends to meddle. It’s frustrating.”

With a small laugh, Bitty grabbed the strawberry jam his mother had shipped him and set in on the table in front of Jack. When the toast popped up, he added it to the plate set it down as well. “Coffee?” He asked, already knowing what Jack would say.

“Yeah, please. But none of that sugary crap you drink.” A hint of a smile; an overused, stupidly cute chirp.

“Black as night and bitter as Hell,” Bitty said, handing him a mug. “Can I get you anything else?”

Jack looked up at him and shook his head, looking more awake and less troubled than he had moments before. “Join me?”

“Sure thing,” Bitty said. It had been many months since he’d been able to say no to Jack, and in moments like these he really didn’t want to be anywhere else.

* * *

 

The entire hockey team attended Mrs. Zimmermann’s event to show their support (and get autographs). She was on campus as part of a series of alumni lectures, and gave a wonderful talk on the benefits of a liberal arts education in life after college. Even Jack seemed interested in what his mother had to say, and didn’t even whisper sarcastic comments to Bitty as he often did at events like this. Afterwards, the boys invited Mrs. Zimmermann to come back to the Haus for pie and beer, and she very happily accepted.

Bitty, of course, had prepared several hors d'oeuvres and two types of pie: maple-sugar-crusted apple, in case Jack had inherited his taste from her, and cherry, in case her Wikipedia page was correct in saying that her favorite drink was cherry Coke. The boys pulled out their finest cases of cheap beer and vodka, and a small party began in the Haus kitchen as several of the volleyball girls came by to meet the lovely and iconic Alicia Zimmermann, née Kennedy.  

By the time all of the hors d'oeuvres had been wiped out and Bitty was frantically throwing several trays of Bagel Bites and frozen taquitos into the oven, Jack and his mother had slipped from the Haus to take a brief stroll around campus. No one else seemed to notice, preoccupied with the last remainders of pie and the free-flowing alcohol. Bitty hoped that speaking alone with his mother would ease Jack’s anxiety about her visit. Deep down, Jack clearly cared a great deal of what she thought of him.

The walk, as it turned out, had the complete opposite effect.

As soon as the Zimmermanns returned, Jack stormed into the Haus and grabbed Bitty by the arm, dragging him upstairs before Mrs. Zimmermann had even wiped her shoes off on the  _HAUS SWEET HAUS_  doormat.

“Jack, what-?” Bitty began, but was halted by the truly devastating look of embarrassment on Jack’s face. “Are you okay?”

“I, uh.” Jack cleared his throat awkwardly, opening his bedroom door and motioning for Bitty to enter. “I have a…huge favor to ask.”

“What is it?” Bitty sat down on the foot of Jack’s bed, lacing his fingers together anxiously.

“ _Willyoupretendtobemyboyfriend?_ ” Jack mumbled, pointedly avoiding Bitty’s eyes.

“What was that?” Bitty asked.

“Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?” Jack repeated, slower.

“Uh.” Bitty stared at Jack, not quite processing the request. “Is this a joke?”

“No,” Jack said. “My mom thinks we’re dating and…I don’t know. The idea of it makes her happy. I couldn’t bring myself to correct her. And if she thinks I’m dating someone, she won’t worry so much about me being social or…normal.”

This was too much information for Bitty to take in. He stared down at his lap, feeling a little light-headed. “You  _are_  normal,” he said after a moment. “Why does your mom think we’re dating?”

Jack shrugged. “I think you remind her of my last…well,  _she_  thought he was my boyfriend.”

“You’re gay?” Bitty thought his heart was going to give out it was beating so fast.

Jack shrugged again. “Something like that.”

“Oh.” Bitty nodded slowly; he needed another drink. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jack repeated, tone cautious, almost worried.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll pretend to be your…” Bitty couldn’t finish the sentence. This was the worst idea he’d ever agreed to.

“Great, thanks,” Jack said, all but collapsing onto the bed next to Bitty. “She wants to take us out to dinner tomorrow. Us and the guys…Lardo…”

“Your friends?” Bitty filled in with a teasing look.

“Yeah. Friends.”

Bitty laughed, then felt his blood run cold. “Jack, if we’re pretending…you’re gonna have to say something to the others.”

This didn’t seem to scare Jack like it did Bitty. “Yeah. It’s been a long time coming, probably. They’re good people, they’ll get it.”

“Okay,” Bitty said. “I’ll, uh. Distract your mom with the Frogs and the girls and send the others up.”

“Thanks, Bittle,” Jack said, and his smile made Bitty’s stomach turn with longing.

“‘Course, Jack,” he said, already feeling his heart tearing in two.

* * *

 

“I have…an odd request,” Jack said as Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, and Holster filed into his bedroom.

“I’m already wearing pants, brah,” Shitty teased, flinging himself onto Jack’s bed. “I think that’s more than enough odd requests for one day.”

“What’s up?” Ransom asked, settling down in the armchair across from the bed. Holster sat down on top of him, not seeming to care he was squishing his best friend. “You alright?”

“Um. Yeah. Well.” Jack heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “I need you all to pretend Bittle is my boyfriend for the next 24 hours.”

The silence that met them was deafening. Ransom was staring at thin air, mouth open like when he was trying to remember something for class. Shitty and Lardo simply looked stunned, and Holster was actually  _glaring_  at Jack suspiciously. Eventually, he asked, “Why?”

“My mom thinks Bittle and I are dating,” Jack explained in a dull monotone. “And it would get her off my back to keep believing it.”

“So she thinks you’re gay?” Ransom asked, still looking like he was staring a puzzle he was  _this close_  to solving.

Jack shrugged. “No, she knows I like guys.”

Holster’s brows shot up. Shitty said, “Oh, shit. You didn’t have to tell us, man, if you’re not ready-”

Jack shrugged again. “I trust you guys. Just…don’t tell anyone else.”

“Of course, Jack,” Lardo said softly.

Ransom. “Yeah, you know we’ve got your back.” Holster mimed zipping his mouth shut, though he kept looking between Jack and Bitty with something akin to concern on his face.

“Wait.” Shitty stood up and moved to stand in front of Jack. “Why does she think you’re dating Bits? If anyone in this room was your boyfriend, it’d be  _me_. I’m  _wounded_ , Mrs. Z!”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Once Bittle breaks up with me, I’ll her you’re my one true love, Shits.”

“Thank you,” Shitty said primly. He shot Bitty a mock glare and said, “Don’t steal my man.”

Smiling sweetly, Bitty turned to Jack and asked, “Would your mama mind terribly if we uninvited Shitty from dinner tomorrow?”

The shrieking, squawking noises Shitty made in protest were so loud they frightened a flock of birds from the tree outside Jack’s window.

* * *

 

Alicia took them all out to dinner at the nicest restaurant in Samwell, Nola’s. It was rare that Bitty went to places with cloth napkins with his boys, but he’d made sure they all dressed appropriately before leaving the house. Even Lardo wore one of her less-arty black dresses, the kind she used for the end-of-year banquet and things like that. The menu at Nola’s was a standard yuppie fare, but Bitty was overjoyed to try their pumpkin gnocchi without having to pay out of pocket.

“Hey,” Jack murmured, nudging Bitty with his elbow as they discussed drinks and appetizers. “They have that wine you like.”

“Boxed?” Bitty joked.

Jack rolled his eyes, but his smile was fond. “No, the one that got left behind at Hausgiving last year. Um. Boom Boom?”

Bitty snorted loudly. “What was that?”

“You know what I said,” Jack said grumpily. “It’s a syrah. I know you like that.”

Bitty grinned at Jack. “I do, thank you. But I’ll drink whatever the table’s drinking. Because I’m 19. And cannot order wine on my own.”

Jack gave him a curious look. “I always forget how young you are.”

“You’re the only one, then,” Bitty said drily. “I’ll be getting carded until I’m fifty.”

“Excuse me,” Jack said, hailing the waiter. “Could we get a bottle of  _Boom Boom_ syrah for the table, please?”

The man didn’t bat an eyelash, nor did he even look at Bitty for more than a millisecond. “Of course, sir.”

Mrs. Zimmermann smirked at them knowingly. “Jack, you don’t like red wine,” she said.

“No,” he said calmly. “But Bittle does.”

“Bittle,” she repeated with a fond laugh. “You’re just like your father. He called me Miss Kennedy for the first six months of our relationship, I swear. I thought I’d walk up to alter and have us both pronounced Mr. and Mrs. ‘Miss Kennedy.’”

“Goodness!” Bitty laughed. “What a ridiculous man.”

“Cute,” Lardo said.

“It was,” Mrs. Zimmermann said. “These Zimmermann men are charming in their silly ways.”

“ _Maman_ ,” Jack said, cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink.

“Oh, sweetheart, I agree,” Bitty said without thinking, patting Jack’s hand.

“FOINE!” Holster shouted, mouth full of bread.

“Five bucks in the sin bin,” Ransom said, almost as loud. “Pay up, Bits.”

Bitty scowled at them, but Jack pulled out his wallet and tossed a five dollar bill towards the middle of the table. “I’m paying for your wine,” he said sternly. “So no more fines until dessert.”

“Yessir!” Shitty said, casting a warning look at the others. Without missing a beat, Jack wrapped an arm around Bitty’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Bitty’s face burned.

“So, please, tell me how you two got together,” Mrs. Zimmermann said as the wine arrived. Bitty noticed she kept her voice hushed and paused as they waiter poured out their glasses, waiting until he was several feet away before looking expectantly at Jack and Bitty. It was such a careful little gesture, but it made Bitty sad in a latent, familiar way.

“Well, uh.” Jack clearly hadn’t planned this far ahead.

“We’re in a class together this semester,” Bitty piped up, swallowing back his nerves. “So we’ve been spending more time together, studying and baking- oh, and our early morning checking practices.” He was suddenly very thankful for the year of drama class he’d done in high school, before his time had been consumed by hockey. “I have a little issue with checking, and Jack’s been helping me through it. So we were just up at an unholy hour one morning, and I hadn’t had my coffee and Jack was trying to be patient with me but he got me in the gut hard enough to totally just knock the wind out of me and…”

“It was like a dam burst,” Jack said quietly. “And I realized what he meant to me. So I kissed him.”

Bitty held back a stunned smile. “And I nearly passed out from shock.”

“Hey, I bought you Annie’s afterwards,” Jack said defensively.

“Our first date,” Bitty teased, bumping his shoulder against Jack’s chest. “So romantic.”

“That’s so sweet,” Mrs. Zimmermann said. Bitty nodded and grabbed his wine glass to stop the shaking of his hands. The others were casting him and Jack a variety of odd, curious, confused looks.

“Hey, Jack,” Holster said, standing. “Can I talk to you outside for a second?”

“Um, sure,” Jack said, casting Bitty an apologetic look. “If the waiter comes, can you order the cobb salad for me?”

“One greasy cheeseburger coming up,” Bitty said with a smirk. Jack rolled his eyes and pressed a quick kiss to Bitty’s cheek, leaving him reeling as he followed Holster out of the restaurant. 

“Is Adam okay?” Mrs. Zimmermann asked, concern evident in her eyes.

“Oh, yeah, you know. Jack’s just a real good captain. You can talk to him about anything,” Bitty said, wondering how his wine glass was already empty.

“Well, before he comes back, I just wanted to say that I’m so happy you two are together,” Mrs. Zimmermann said, touching Bitty’s shoulder lightly. “I was worried he’d deny himself this kind of relationship, what with his career goals and all that, but I’ve never seen him look so happy and relaxed as he is around you.”

Bitty looked down, the first pricks of tears threatening at the backs of his eyes. “Oh. Um. Well, I’m happy, too. He’s a really great guy.”

“Yes, he’s a good boy,” Mrs. Zimmermann said. “I wish the best for you two.”

Before Bitty could respond, Holster returned to the table, looking tired. “Jack’s in the bathroom,” he said, looking pointedly at Bitty for a minute before turning to the rest of the table. “I’m starving. Do you think they’ll bring us more bread?”

As Mrs. Zimmermann was sucked into the group’s loud and obnoxious discussion of whether it had been Holster or Ransom who had eaten the most bread, Bitty slipped away to the small, one-man bathroom in the back of the restaurant.

“Jack?” He called, knocking on the door tentatively. “Are you okay? It’s Bitty, by the way.”

The door opened to reveal Jack standing there, face damp as if he’d just splashed water on himself to cool down. It darkened the collar of his shirt and soaked into his hairline. Somehow, Bitty still found it attractive.

“Holster said you have a crush on me,” Jack said softly, eyes darting around the empty hallway.

Bitty was going to  _murder_  Holster. “Oh! Um, he- he what-?”

“I think I have a crush on you,” Jack continued, looking down at his feet. “I. I really like this whole…being boyfriends thing. If you’d want to do it. For real.”

This wasn’t the most romantic location in the world, standing in the doorway of a cafe bathroom, but Bitty didn’t care. He surged up on his tiptoes to kiss Jack soundly on the lips, wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck when Jack’s hands found his waist.

Almost shyly, Jack pulled back to look at Bitty, eyes soft and adoring, then he kissed Bitty again, pushing him up against the wall across from the bathroom. Bitty wanted nothing more than to wrap his legs around Jack’s waist and let him have his way, but someone cleared their throat just to Bitty’s left.

Shitty stood there, beaming, arms outstretched. “Oh, you beautiful fuckers, c’mere.”

He pulled them into a quick hug and kissed both their cheeks like a proud father. “Ugh, this is too cute. Go back to the table before I throw up on you lovebirds.”

“I told you we should have uninvited him,” Bitty said as Shitty slipped into the now-unoccupied bathroom. Jack just grinned and kissed Bitty once more before they returned to a table filled with smug, excited friends and a very happy Mrs. Zimmermann.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr [here.](http://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/165191814617/fake-datingzimbits-ft-alicia-the-gang)  
> Please check out my online novel, [The Discourt Knife. ](http://thediscourtknife.com/)


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